Betsy Devine: Funny ha-ha and/or funny peculiar

You Live in California when…
1. You make $250,000 a year and can’t afford to buy a four-bedroom house.
2. The high school quarterback calls time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. You drive a rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The fastest part of your daily commute is backing down your driveway.

You Live in New York City when…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is “nature,”
5. You know eye contact is an act of aggression.

You Live in Maine when…
1. You have only four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You Live in the Deep South when…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. You know “y’all” is singular–“all y’all” is the plural.
3. After five years you still hear, “You ain’t from ’round here, are Ya?”
4. All the people you know have 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
5. “He needed killin’ ” is a valid defense.

You Live in Colorado when…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head may be bald, but you have a pony tail.
5. Your hometown bus lines are named “Hop”, “Skip” and “Jump.”

You Live in the Midwest when…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”

You Live in Florida when…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

You Live in Blog-world when…
1. You can’t understand how anyone could mix up Dave Winer with David Weinberger.
2. You check on friends while drinking your morning coffee–and hope none of them make you spit coffee on the keyboard.
3. You type html tags so fast it’s not worth the trouble to copy and paste them.
4. You know just why Andrew Orlowski is wrong.
5. You would love to meet Halley, or you did meet Halley, or you would love to meet some other blogger who has met Halley.

---

And speaking of Halley–it is sooooo much fun to go to the movies with her. Go read her lovely inspired bit on the magic of 60s New York City space-time.

---