Enough poking fun at the world’s multiple genders–but speaking of poking fun, let’s talk about marriage.
I invite blogworlders to chip in with good advice about how two people of happily different genders can coexist. If you think that’s too flimsy a segue–Dan Berlinger of Archipelago is getting married–congratulations, Dan!
To start with, here are four very standard pieces of marriage advice:
- Don’t say things in anger that you will later regret.
- Remember Han Solo in the garbage compactor, dodging the ricochets of his own bullet? At least the bullet stopped after a few bounces–nobody got hurt thinking about it later.
- Marriage is not 50-50, it’s 80-20.
- Expect to give 80% and get back 20%. And so will your parner.
- What goes around comes around.
- In a long marriage, you will be the person your partner knows best–the model for what’s okay and what’s forbidden. If you break promises or sulk for hours–so (eventually) will your partner. If you give little presents or call when you’ll be late coming home–so (eventually) will your partner.
- Never go to bed angry.
- It’s a lonely feeling to wake up and remember the stupid fight that you both thought was more important than your love for each other.
You can also learn a lot from watching people do really stupid stuff:
- “Ann wouldn’t know about that, would you, Ann?”
- Ewwww–there’s nothing more painful than watching a couple needle each other in public. Before you take some nasty, “witty” poke at your mate, just remember how ugly you look doing it.
- “What did mean Daddy do to you?”
- There are about 8 zillion reasons not to compete for your kids’ affection by putting each other down. Teach your kids by example that hurting anyone in the family hurts the whole family unit–and vice versa. You will eventually be very glad your kids learned this.
- “I made the coffee, get your own god-damned cup.”
- Some days, life is exhausting–that’s not your partner’s fault. You’re more likely to get praise and affection for a cup of tea delivered with a smile than for a whole pot of hand-picked Peruvian organic coffee you snarled about making.
- “That’s mine!” “No, it’s mine!”
- I knew a couple whose shared nerdy fun of building electric trains turned into a war between two obsessions. They should have remember Dan Berlinger’s fine saying, “Be mindful. Be focused. Be of the moment. Be respectful.”
Come to think of it, maybe Dan is the one who should be giving us advice. Good luck, kids!
5 responses so far ↓
1 jr // Jun 22, 2003 at 7:19 am
Marriage is Obvious – What is obvious to the man is not obvious to the woman. Man – those two saws are not the same – that one has chrome reverse cams. What is obvious to the woman is not obvious to the man. Woman – Honey its obvious that tie does not go with that jacket.
Except what is obvious to your spouse and use it to make yourself obviously better.
2 Betsy Devine // Jun 22, 2003 at 12:12 pm
How true–anyone know where I can get some chrome reverse cams?
3 Ken Camp // Jun 22, 2003 at 5:30 pm
Marriage: A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves–making in all two.
4 jr // Jun 22, 2003 at 6:12 pm
I see I’m missing the obvious, should have been accept not except. Guess it’s in the genes…
5 Betsy Devine: Now with even more funny ha-ha and peculiar » After 34 years. still not threatened by gay marriage // Jul 11, 2007 at 12:09 am
[…] The best marriage advice, according to my little brother, is to keep on caring about each other, respecting each other. For my more long-winded but heartfelt version, here’s some advice I wrote way back in 2003. […]