Some little elves armed with modern technology just intercepted a long-distance conference call, to which I added names completely at random…
Bush: Let’s make this snappy. I am on vacation.
Rove: Yes, sir, but we have to deal with this blackout problem.
Cheney: You woke the President up for that? Get Halliburton!
Rove: Sir, our goal is not to improve the US infrastructure–it’s to find a scapegoat for the current blackout.
[Hubbub and confusion. Voices say “Lightning!”–“Power overload!”–“Canada!”]
Rove: Mmmm, we tried all those. None of them worked.
Rice: Tony Blair–no wait, that didn’t work on the WMDs did it?
Bush: Maybe that CIA guy would do it again–you know who I mean….
Rumsfeld: George Tenet, sir.
Tenet: With due respect, sir–no.
Rove: Sir, I have prepared the usual list of loyal allies now willing to take a bullet on this issue. I remove one name at random from this hat–the slip reads [pause] “Dick Cheney.”
Cheney: Hey, you promised me….
Rove: Hmmm, ahhh, there seems to be some mistake…
Ashcroft: Why not Cheney? He’s the guy with the secret Energy Panel….
Rove: …so I’m drawing another slip of paper…
Rice: Hey, this is an emergency! The papers are starting to blame deregulation…
Rove: …and this one says…..[long pause]
Rumsfeld: Well?
Ashcroft: Well?
Cheney and Tenet: [together] It better not be me….
Bush: Well, what does it say?
Rove: It’s a picture of President Truman with his sign–the famous sign that says, “The buck stops here.” [pause]
Bush: Fine, blame Truman. Good-bye. [click]
Ashcroft: You know what this means? Terrorists have infiltrated our scapegoat hat…
[Further transmission was obscured by static.]
4 responses so far ↓
1 jr // Aug 18, 2003 at 11:13 am
The little elves did a good job listening in. Can we get them to work on a much more important job. Seems that public toilets (and urinals) now flush courtsey of motion detector circuits which are absolutly no good when the power is you. Yeh we can live without electricty for a while but what about flushing!
2 jr // Aug 18, 2003 at 11:14 am
please change power is you to power is out in your minds eye when reading previous post.
3 Betsy Devine // Aug 19, 2003 at 7:58 am
This electrical switch system has been installed for your convenience–I love it!
4 Betsy Devine // Aug 19, 2003 at 7:59 am
I have a modest proposal to avoid future blackouts. We should make it illegal for any federal official to use electricity during any large-area blackout. No lights, no air conditioning, no television, nada. And no fair “investing” in the new top rich-person’s toy–a private gas-powered generator! We need to find ways for the deterioration of our national infrastructure to start hurting rich and powerful people the way it hurts average Joes.