Q. What does the optometrist say on his honeymoon?
A. “Do you like it like this–or like this? Good. Now, like this–or like this?”
I adore traveling, and part of what I love is finding out just how wrong I am about things I once imagined were always true.
Take kissing, for example. In the chilly parts of New England I grew up in, public kisses involve one warm peck on the cheek, given by parent to child, or by child to parent. Imagine my deer-in-the-headlights surprise when friendly strangers from Paris or New York* assumed I understood the “kiss kiss” hello.
Okay, I got to enjoy the “kiss kiss” hello. Then (wouldn’t you know!) I end up in the Netherlands where they do “kiss kiss kiss!” Until I caught on, I was the Queen of Kissus Interruptus.
Do you think I know how to buy a newspaper? Sure. In the US, the dialogue goes like this:
Me: Hi–just this paper, please.
Nick: Okay, it’s a dollar.
Me: Thanks, okay, here you are. (giving him a dollar).
Nick: Thanks–have a good day.
Me: Yeah, you too–bye!
Now, in Holland, my normal behavior is downright rude. Instead of a mere “hi”, I ought to say “Good afternoon.” Then, only after Niek** has responded with “Good afternoon,” can we begin to talk money and newspapers.
Suppose I’m in Sweden, and buying a paper from Nils. Well, my normal method is wrong, for the opposite reason. Here’s how you buy a newpaper in Stockholm:
Me: This paper.
Nils: 10 kronor.
Me: Here. (giving him 10 kronor.)
Nils: Here (giving me the paper.)
In Sweden, doing it my way–or the Dutch way–makes me sound like that amorous optometrist–so well-meaning, and so totally wrong.
* To NH kids, Manhattan is just as foreign as Paris.
** No, not that Niek!–some other Dutch Niek who is not a famous babe magnet and sells newspapers.
p.s. Speaking of eye doctors, congratulations to Halley! Check out her blissful awakening after her cataract operation.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Niek Hockx // Aug 26, 2003 at 2:01 am
Having been in Sweden and the US (and of course Holland) myself I like how you pinpoint these cultural differences, Betsy.
I have made a fool of myself several times in the US by not thinking and doing the Dutch “kiss kiss kiss” thing (or at least attempting to). Some American women react as if you are about to jump them… *LOL* But in general I found out that most women in the US, once they understand the foreign custom, don’t mind at all and are happy to return the three greeting kisses.
2 Betsy Devine // Aug 26, 2003 at 8:14 am
Yes, most of us expect zero kisses or maybe two. I hope the improved Nederlander 3-kiss model catches on in the US. Surely Texas at least should appreciate More Kisses Are Better.
3 marcum // Aug 26, 2003 at 2:54 pm
I (a fellow New Englander) also always felt akward when my foreign relatives and friends greeted with the pecks. Now, though, I’ve incorporated that as a norm in my closest circles; and everyone seems to do it out here in the Desert anyway. Very friendly place, Tucson is.
4 The Children's Liberation Front (actually, Yule) // Aug 26, 2003 at 7:57 pm
I don’t know, everybody does that kissy thing everywhere now, but that whole air-kissing or peck-(note: no “er” at the end of that word)-kissing profoundly confuses me. If I want to kiss someone, I want a kiss, a real kiss, specifically with a big chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart holding hug that lets me relax into the other person for just a moment. (Obviously I like the person I’m greeting this way, or they really want to be liked by me.) The chi-chi greeting kiss drives me nuts because all I worry about is how much of the other person’s body I can actually grab/ avoid grabbing, and/or smudging my lipstick (or the woman’s lipstick whom I’m kissing), so there’s this damned problem of calibration (keeping a centimetre distance), which makes coitus interruptus (never tried that, but I’m reminded me of it) look like a full cone of ice cream you get to lick all the way home. And I wear glasses (Gucci sunglasses I had retrofitted, natch: it’s my eye makeup), so there’s always the danger of banging those up, and there are the sharp pointy earrings to worry about. The kissy-kissy-kissy thing is so much work — it’s a huge effort. I’d just as soon extend the mere tips of my fingers, …or take the full bear hug. But check your knives & guns (and glasses etc.) at the door! :-)