People talk about meanings lost in translation–how about translations that find something hidden?
I mean, before David Weinberger read the world news in translation did he guess at the role of acorns in politics? Until I read a Portuguese translation of my page, I was ignorant of
“milliamperes” in Cambridge, MA.
President’s Bush’s speech to the UN yesterday got translated into many languages. What did other nations actually hear? I now give you Bush, in translation by Mark Spittle:
…As I am sure many of you remember, partly due to the fact that your international press is better at staying on-topic than the US press is, I pretty much thumbed my nose at you when I wanted to invade Iraq….
Now that Iraq has turned into a quagmire, a word I am pretty sure means Vietnam in French, I am forced to come before you and fall on my sword.
Well I am not about to do that. Instead, I will plead and beg that you help us in Iraq. But I will not fall on my sword.
You see, I represent the American people. And the American people are tired of hearing about how every day more and more American soldiers are being killed in Iraq, and how more American soldiers have died since I put on my flight suit than before….
The American people feel it is the UNs duty to assist in the rebuilding of Iraq.
First of all, they believe this because they understand the United Nations role in the world far better than my advisors did a few months ago. And secondly, they really would rather see your soldiers getting killed than ours…
So, I am asking you to forget the past, forget whatever was said, and look forward. Look to a future where the United Nations can prove itself relevant by sending its soldiers into a quagmire, and help free up the American responsibilities there.
Im asking you not only as a friend within the international community, but as a world leader heading into a re-election.
One more thing, I know we owe some dues. Please stop sending the late notices.
Thank you, and may the American version of the Christian God bless you all.
Guest humor column at Liberal Oasis. Mark Spittle is one half of the political satire duo Spittle & Ink. He is a former Washington lobbyist and congressional assistant.