Betsy Devine: Funny ha-ha and/or funny peculiar

10. I’ll no longer be getting five phone calls a day from phone-bank volunteers who want to know my political views.

9. I’ll no longer be getting six phone calls a day from phone-bank volunteers who want me to become a phone bank volunteer.

8. I will be able to park near a Catholic church without having my car leafleted with photos of partial-birth abortion.

7. I will be able to park near a Baptist church without having my car leafleted with photos of gay men tearing up Bibles.

6. I will be able to park near a school without having my car leafleted with photos of Osama Bin Ladin threatening my children.

5. Kerry won’t get blamed for the messes Bush made in his first term. (Clinton will have to keep on taking the blame.)

4. The prayers that made George Bush a “miracle” President might
bring us miracles that I’d like too.  (Peace in the Middle East
would
be
really nice…)

3. I’ll get another $600 check in the next round of payback tax breaks for millionaires.

2. Jokewriters would be so lost without George Bush.

And the number one best thing about this election:

1. Millions of Democrats around this country are hugging and kissing to
make each other feel better–so nine months from now, we’ll have
millions more Democrats!

“First of the nation” NH voters have spoken.

In 2000, these two tiny very Republican towns gave Bush 38 votes vs Gore’s 18…

Their 2004 votes were all in and counted minutes after midnight. Bush got 34 and Kerry got 22, so Republicans are trumpeting this as a Bush “victory.”

But think about it–four Republican voters in Republican neighborhoods
decided they wanted to vote for Kerry instead. Now multiply that choice
in towns all over this country.

NH has spoken, and this election is OVER.

Michigan voters in African-American neighborhoods are getting strange automated phone calls–one of them taped the message for reporters:

Republicans say they don’t know anything about these phone calls, or
about other robocalls to the same neighborhoods telling people their
polling places have moved.

On Halloween, Fort Lauderdale churchgoers waiting in line for early voting got
bottled water, folding chairs, and candy from various activists–plus
sign displays from young Republicans pretending to be far-left
Democrats. Joshua Bearman talked with the ringleader, who had a big Kerry/Edwards sign topped with an even bigger sign proclaiming “Support gay adoption.”

Yeah, right. This is *exactly* how gay activists talk. [End sarcasm]

Once Bearman started photographing these “Democrats”, they quickly gathered their signs up and ran away.

Tomorrow, enthusiastic but inexperienced Rob Republicans and Don
Democrats will show up to monitor polling places in swing states.

Rob has been warned that Democrats plan to “steal” the election from Bush by sending fraudulent voters to the polls.

Don has been warned that Republican plan to “steal” the election from
Kerry by using challenges and intimidation to discourage legitimate
voters.

We’ve been listening to Rob and Don on the Internet, for months now,
and all of us have higher blood pressure as a result. (Lisa Williams blogged about this in a way worth reading.)

Thank heaven, the real world isn’t the Internet. I saw this with my own
eyes in NH yesterday, as Bush supporters outside a Kerry rally and
Kerry supporters encountering Bush supporters on the street treated
each other with good-natured decency.

In the real world, Rob and Don look at each other and see human beings.
OK, maybe Rob looks like the jerk who once dated Don’s sister’s
roommate, and maybe Don sounds like Rob’s least-favorite-ever guidance
counselor… but Don doesn’t sound like a guy who wants to do
partial-birth abortions on live two-year olds and Rob doesn’t look like
a guy who would murder Iraqi babies to get their oil fields.

At least, that’s how I’m hoping this will turn out. I’ll be so glad when this election is over.