Betsy Devine: Funny ha-ha and/or funny peculiar

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) used to figure out which sex-ed
programs worked and which ones didn’t by measuring stuff like teenage pregnancy
rates. CDC even described some actual “Programs the Work” on their website,
so that other schools could borrow successful models.

Was that a good thing? Not for the Bush and his right-wing-religious supporters.
Because it turned out that not one single program that worked in the real world
was abstinence-only. Programs that worked also taught kids about condoms, information
that schools now promise not to teach if they want money from the CDC.
CDC pulled its description of “Programs that Work” from its website–after all,
if ignorance is good thing for high school kids it must be doubly so for the
schools that serve them.**

Will kids who take abstinence-only drivers’ ed have a hard time passing actual
driving tests?The Bush model solves that problem–replace the old-fashioned
driving test with a new CDC-approved quiz–and, if kids say they think they
can drive, just give them a faith-based license.

The Bush model means we don’t have to keep any records of accidents and injuries
suffered by students who get faith-based licenses. But let’s hope emergency
room physicians didn’t train in med schools that use the same kind of testing…(“You
think you’ll make a good doctor? Okay, you pass,–here’s your M.D. degree and
have a nice day.”) And let’s hope HMOs don’t figure out that the only sure way
to keep people from dying in hospitals is to close those hospitals down and
lock the doors.

* Do abstinence-only programs work? They are to be tested by these
criteria only:

• Proportion of program participants who successfully complete or remain
  enrolled in an abstinence-only education program.

·

• Proportion of adolescents who understand that abstinence from sexual
  activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy and sexually
  transmitted disease.

·

• Proportion of adolescents who indicate understanding of the social, psychological,
  and health gains to be realized by abstaining from premarital sexual activity.

·

• Proportion of participants who report they have refusal or assertiveness
  skills necessary to resist sexual urges and advances.

·

• Proportion of youth who commit to abstain from sexual activity until
  marriage.

·

• Proportion of participants who intend to avoid situations and risk, such
  as drug use and alcohol consumption, which make them more vulnerable to
  sexual advances and urges.

** “Thank you for your interest
in Programs that Work (PTW). The CDC has discontinued PTW and is considering
a new process that is more responsive to changing needs and concerns of state
and local education and health agencies and community organizations”

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Barbara wanted to keep her figure and her mobility and strength and she kept them all. When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the spring of 2000, she was already 80-something–but not old. She had been getting ready to be a senior citizen.

Barbara’s idea of getting ready to be a senior citizen involved things like jetting off to London with her friend Irma for a week of going to plays, or cruising all around the isles of Greece.

Barbara started the Barbara-Betsy carpool. That was true of most things in our relationship. In any relationship conducted in the early morning hours, Barbara had a natural advantage. She was awake. She was refreshed by the boisterous give-and-take of breakfasting with a small beloved dog. She was wearing lipstick. She was eager to talk about what had happened the day before and to speculate about the events ahead.

She was often ready to go with some piece of advice. I received lots of Barbara’s advice over the years, all of it thoughtful. Any advice that could be construed as criticism was always indirect.

For example, I remember one week when almost every day Barbara would just happen to see somebody shuffling along without picking up his feet–or her feet. These people were everywhere. “Look at that man!” Barbara would exclaim, as we sat at a stop sign. “Don’t people realize how it looks? Out for a walk, and he’s shuffling along like the thousand-year-old man. Stride, stride!” Or after Early Birds class, “Did you notice Susan today? Just dragging her feet around like two lumps of lead. Terrible. It makes her look so old.”

Well, as I said, all these talks took place in early morning hours, so it took me almost a week to say to myself, “That’s funny, all of a sudden, Barbara sees people everywhere dragging their feet.” And then it took me a microsecond more to say–“Wait a minute–I must be dragging my feet.” So I made a special effort to pick up my feet and stride. And on that day, all of the shuffling people with lumpy lead feet vanished from Princeton. So I think I was right.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses say that most of Earth’s very good people don’t end up in heaven. Instead they get strong new bodies and a new life in a second but perfect Earth. I think that would suit Barbara very well.

Barbara was very grounded, full of enthusiasm and zest for real things. You go through a whole lot of springtimes in ten years of driving together. Every year, Barbara was full of enthusiasm for the first crocus–the first daffodil–the first tulip–the blooming of the magnolia trees. In autumn, every euonymous bush or glowing red sugar maple would make her exclaim.

Princeton was her place. She grew up in Canada, but she had given her heart to Princeton years ago and everywhere she and I drove was full of memories. There’s a house on Mercer Street–not hers or mine–that is “the best house in the world for giving parties. The living room is a jewel box–a perfect jewel box.”

One of the pleasures of Earth, and I hope the Jehovah’s Witness heaven will remember to include this, is serendipity. Barbara and I got to be friends for no good reason. We just happened to end up spending time together. We were different in many, many ways. But we shared an enthusiasm for natural beauty, a love of Princeton, and a lot of admiration for our fellow Early Birds. She was my true friend–and I am still her true friend. I still keep my coins in the coin purse she gave me. When I wash my dog, I’m wearing the oilcloth apron she brought me from London. When the beauty of springtime–or summer, or autumn–catches me unaware, I can clearly hear Barbara say, “Well now, look at that.” And Barbara, if you can hear me, I do really try to pick up my feet as you did, and stride, stride!

In my blog, I tend to write about:

• Great stuff on the Web I think you should go take a look at.
• Struggles with writing, and studies of people who write better than I do.
• Political skullduggery that I don’t want to see get swept under the rug. I started this blog so I could write about the “Republican Astroturf” scandal–those fake “genuine leadership” letters.

I grew up in NH, my nose in a book when I wasn’t building treehouses(summer) or giant snow forts (winter). We lived in a real neighborhood–I don’t think many families owned a house key. There were about 10 elderly women in the 5-block radius I roamed who would offer me orange juice, bathroom privileges, and a comfy chair to sit reading kids books from the 1920s. I’d like to say thank you here to Miss Alice Colgan, who lived with a sister she hadn’t spoken to in 20 years. Both of them were delighted to see me or my siblings knock on the door.

The blogging world takes me back to those days of roaming. I like knocking at the door of your blog and finding out what’s on your mind today. Better than orange juice!

My husband and I live with our 20 year-old cat, our 15 year-old dog, and a little snake we’re baby-sitting for one of our daughters. Our two 20-something daughters–one college, one grad school–are a big part of our lives but don’t actually live here.

I am a nerd, and even bigger fan of nerds than I am a nerd myself. I used to spend a lot more time programming than I do now. I’ve coauthored a couple of books, both long out of print, but if you look up “Betsy Devine” at Amazon you can read some really nice reader reviews. The book I’m writing now is a collection of nerd humor, science humor, funny pictures, interviews with funny nerds–working title “Hell of a Good Universe.”