Betsy Devine: Funny ha-ha and/or funny peculiar

Years ago, when I lived in California, I bought a dark red beach towel, whose best feature was that it almost matched the velvet upholstery on my elderly couch.*

My dog Marianne used to love to nap on top of that towel, on top of that couch–beginning each nap by digging a hole for herself in imagined dead leaves. (Beach towels stand up to dog-digging better than velvet.)

Not any more. Tonight as I pulled that towel out of the dryer, I realized–Marianne hasn’t slept on the couch in more than a year. Even when I remember to lift her up, she’s no longer at home there.
Once, she used to launch off the edge of the couch like a white fuzzy rocket. Now, she peers over the edge and whimpers, as if the floor is no longer reachable.

I hope that I never get that old–I hope I never get to the point where anxiety and caution are more important than the impulse to do something I really enjoy.

Tonight, I put the clean beach towel into my old dog’s travel cage, the place where she hides when she wants comfort and security. As I did so, I noticed the towel had faded and its edges had frayed. My living room has been much funkier than I realized.

Damn, why can’t the world be more like the rosy-edged picture in my imagination? Marianne, sleeping happily on her towel, thinks that question is stupid–she’s probably right.

*When I was a little kid, that couch belonged to my Victorian “aunts.” It was a dark pink or pale red velvet. When I was twelve, my mother brought that couch to our living room, upholstering it dark green, her favorite color. A few generations of puppies and kittens later, she offered me that couch for my living room. (I had it upholstered in Laura Ashley-ish chintz botanicals.) More puppies and kittens ensued before I got it re-uphostered one final time, in about the same reddish pink I remember from childhood.

I just created a new blog category, “Sister Age,” inspired by the book by MFK Fisher. Because so many of my friend bloggers are younger than I am, I thought I might play your Sacajawea in time, marking out the trail through a human lifespan that I’m discovering for myself.

How do you picture a CSS ninja and PHP jedi knight? Someone like Simon Willison of incutio?

I imagined some supercoder with years of geek backstory.

Instead, when I met him at sxsw kickball, where were those imagined gray hairs? Where were the frown-wrinkles from hours of scowling at pages of bad markup?

As you can see, they were hidden by his ninja headgear.

One of the great sights of Amsterdam’s Rijksmuseum is Rembrandt’s huge painting “Night Watch.” Local gentry signed up to be painted in a big group and got into the foreground (or background) depending on how much they paid.

But where was Rembrandt last week, at sxsw? I got to meet so many people I knew from online, but photos show only groupings of two here, three there.

Therefore, by the power vested in me (to steal from online images) I have refurbished the great Rembrandt “Night Watch” to include friends from #joiito I met in Austin.

Who’s who? Back row, Jon Lebkowsky of EFF Austin, and Adam Hill of the shiny red convertible. Front row, left to right–knight on a white horse Jonas M Luster and Adina Levin, drawing her sword to defend EFF or maybe SocialText. Go, Adina! Then me!

Joi Ito himself is showing something to Tantek Çelik, a Microsoft diplomat and CSS guru. Then Liz Lawley, aka mamamusings–sharing only one dinner with her was not enough. Finally Sam Ruby, who saved me from losing my cell phone and has a very sweet smile.

In other news, I’d like to thank Jonas for the mechanical hand buzzer, and Tantek and Sam Ruby for letting me buzz them with it. Can’t imagine why Rembrandt somehow left this out….

Somehow a virtual cowboy hat and shirt have attached themselves to my mental image of always-surprising Joi. What will he do next? Note the subtle product placement for Pepsi–could this be a hint?

Thanks to Jon Lebkowsky for the original photo.

This is a teentsy thumbnail of my virtual image of the cowboy aka Joi Ito–about 50 K, which is why it’s not right on my front page.

Thanks to Jon Lebkowsky for the original photo.

That three-headed frog discovered last week? Well, it wasn’t

It was three frogs who were , ahem–well, Ray Girvan links to a bunch of photos of other frogs engaged in similar antics.

Gosh, there goes the liberal media, trying to bust up my family by talking dirty. OK, it’s a blog–but you know what I mean.

Fortunately, we have it on good authority that the Bush administration will once again take steps to make sure that science doesn’t tell us anything we don’t want to hear.

Here, photoshopped for your viewing convenience, is the new explanation–it was a lovely frog wedding. The bride (in a veil of ethernetting) was just sharing a private moment with the groom (top hat 1), when up hopped the best man (top hat 2) and decided to try to cut in.

Nothing to see here, folks, just move along.

Wow! I met every single one of these people at SXSW, no wonder I had a good time:

• Yvonne Adams (wearenotsheep)
• Doug Bowman (StopDesign)
• Danah Boyd (danah.org)
• Nick Bradbury (FeedDemon)
• Tantek Celik (tantek.com)
• Anil Dash (Six Apart)
• Cory Doctorow (Boing Boing)
• Jeremy Dunck (dunck.us)
• Eliza Evans (U Texas)
• Dan Gillmor (San Jose Mercury News)
• Adam Hill (TheBigPixel)
• Col Dave Hughes (Old Colorado City Communications)
• Neil Iscoe (U Texas)
• David Isenberg (isen.com, Stupid Networks)
• Joi Ito (neoteny.com)
• Scott Johnson (Feedster)
• Pete Kaminski (istori.com/log/)
• Susan Kaup (sooz.com)
• George Kelly (AllAboutGeorge)
• Elizabeth Lane Lawley, Ph.D. (mamamusings, RIT)
• Kevin Lawver (Search Ninja)
• Jon Lebkowsky (Polycot Consulting)
• Adina Levin (Socialtext, EFF)
• Jonas M Luster (netwarrior)
• Cameron Marlow (Blogdex)
• Michael Moncur (Quotes of the Day)
• Craig Newmark (craigslist.org)
• Nikolai Nolan (Bloggie Man!)
• Jorge Ortiz (d-volution)
• Matt Pusateri (MattMedia)
• Mike Pusateri (cruftbox)
• Zack Rosen (deanforamerica.com)
• Chip Rosenthal (EFF-Austin)
• Sam Ruby (intertwingly.net)
• Wendy Seltzer (EFF)
• Dave Shea (CSSZenGarden.com)
• Jim Snider (New America Foundation)
• Jon Udell (infoworld.com)
• Michael Alex Wasylik (perpetualbeta)
• David Weinberger (JOHO)
• Kevin Werbach (werblog.com)
• Simon Willison (incutio)

Samuel Johnson’s great dictionary of 1755 has just been re-issued (Amazon description) and Frank brought me one as a present.

Editor Jack Lynch has usefully created an index that lists all Johnsonian insults–so beware, if you are a fatwitted finical flagitious footlicking fop of a foutra fribbling fustilarian fub.

Samuel Johnson had just the word for you.

And now I have it too.

Johnson is sometimes modest (“headgargle–a disease, I suppose, in cattle”) and sometimes lofty (“thro’ –contracted by barbarians from through.”)

He has lots of words no longer in use (“spraints–the dung of an otter”), tho the dairy industry might like “agalaxy,” which means “want of milk.”

Johnson’s definition of “network” is rightly famous for its badness:

Network

Anything reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections.

But if you’re planning to look up his 1755 viewpoint on web or post or search don’t bother–if they exist, they aren’t in the abridged version.

Who challenged the sxsw electrical outlet policy, inspired Joi Ito, and set off the cries of outrage from Cory Doctorow, Robert Scoble, Dan Gillmor, et al. that resulted in the conference change in policy?

It was my friend Jonas M. Luster, hereby memorialized as a knight in shining armor, riding a white horse. Thanks, Jonas, on behalf of all the people you stick up for in your many chivalrous avatars.

If I ever need a fscking lawyer, this is the fscking lawyer that I want.

Thanks to Jonas M Luster for the link!