Betsy Devine: Funny ha-ha and/or funny peculiar

Ever wonder about
Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age? At the age of 56:

“George Granville Leveson-Gower, duke of Sutherland, destroyed the homes of Scottish Highlanders and drove thousands of residents off the land to make room for sheep.”

Did Georgie have modern zoning boards to deal with? Noooooo! But I still feel so inadequate (sob)…

(Thanks for the link–even though I may now be traumatized for life–to Dave Barry.)

In response to my “5 important things, 4 men” joke, I got some insightful email from Dave Winer. Dave agrees there’s no easy inverse for women’s jokes about men. Jokes insulting men are allowed, he points out, giving this example

Q: What’s the diff betw a man and a cucumber?

A: A man can take out the garbage.

Dave asks, “So what’s the equiv joke about women?”

Hi Dave– I think you’re right that people are more wary about woman-bashing than about man-bashing. But there are plenty of woman-bashing jokes. If you google “better than a woman”–3,700 plus hits–you can find pages of “Why is xxx better than a woman?” jokes, written by horny teenage guys showing off for each other and hoping to sound like emperors of sexy.

Most group-vs.-group jokes (women vs men, MIT vs Harvard, Irish vs WASP, etc.) have punchlines that flatter “Group A” and make fun of “Group B.” Liberals are more comfortable hearing jokes that flatter the underdog group. Many people feel hurt by jokes that make fun of their own group, and some get angry.

Some 20-year-old research claims that men prefer jokes about sex to any other kind–while women prefer jokes about sex only when angry. I wonder if the researcher was using “jokes about sex” to mean jokes like the cucumber one… whose “message” is that the teller can pick a man as she would a cucumber, and give him servile jobs when the sex is done. Yeah, right.

Betsy

There are real “guys’ jokes” out there that make me laugh. I got in trouble in my first book for including that joke (toned down but still funny) about the polar bear and the bottle of whiskey.

Here’s another “guys’ joke” I like:

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation sweeps over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “So where are you flying to today?” She turns and smiles and says, “I’m giving a talk to the Sexual Freedom League.”

Whoa! He swallows hard–here’s the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she’s talking about sex! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, “And what’s your talk about?” She looks into his eyes, and says, “I plan to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really,” he says, swallowing hard, again. “And what myths are those?”

She explains: “Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed. In my experience, the Native American is the most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers. I have found, instead that men of Jewish descent make the very best lovers, on average.” “Very interesting,” the man responds. Suddenly, the woman looks embarrassed and starts to blush. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I feel awkward discussing this with you–why, I don’t even know your name.”

The man extends his hand and replies, “It’s Tonto. Tonto Goldstein.”

Why do I call this a guys’ joke? The punchline celebrates a guy who is about to have sex. Hey, I feel as if I’m on his team–because he is clearly a tongue-tied nerd (like me), and therefore an underdog. Besides, the woman involved is about to have sex (if she wants to) with a smart guy who thinks she’s really gorgeous. How bad can that be?

Joke 9,099 from the Internet

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

An English professor instructed the freshmen as follows:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking, and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
The following was actually turned in by Rebecca (last name deleted), and Jim (last name deleted).
———————————————————-
STORY (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
————————————————– —-
(Second paragraph by Jim)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17”, he said into his transgalactic communicator, “polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
————————————————– ——–

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
————————————————– ——-
(Jim)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We
———————————————————-
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
————————————————– ——–
(Jim)
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of stupid tea??? Oh no, I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels.”
———————————————————-
(Rebecca)
Ass.
———————————————————-
(Jim)
Bitch.
**********************************************

(Teacher)
A+ I really liked this one.

Yeah, like the professor, I really liked this one. Some jokes, and some stereotypes, are meant to be hurtful–that’s not the case here. (Though you might object to the stereotyped professor…) Stereotypes are what make this joke work. That’s because human beings laugh together to celebrate a shared sense of recognition. I really like the idea of bigger and more inclusive groups of people relaxing enough to be able to laugh together.

Remember the wolf wrapped up in Grandma’s nightie? He’s now a role model for top marketing droids. As they spread their slick prose out over the Web, imagining we’ll all imagine they’re “just plain folks”– let’s imagine instead we’re Red Riding Hood checking out someone who claims to be Grandma. Marketing droids may not have great big teeth, but they do make some very obvious mistakes:

1. Droids ask for trust but dodge verifiability. The author of Microsoft’s “I just switched from Apple” story (outed by Slashdotters in October 2002) larded her prose with “personal” details and cute little interjections like “Girl Scout’s honor.” She also kept her identity secret, used a stock image as if it were her own photo, and turned out to have been promoting Microsoft products for years.
2. Droids love fake ultra-amateur effects. Check out the scrawly “graffiti” on Dr. Pepper’s faux blog for Raging Cow. OK, handwritten scrawls on a piece of paper might be the work of a real amateur. But to get such a scrawl into a 4K gif with a transparent background…Grandma, is that you? Who went out and bought you an art department?
3. Droids can’t resist adding stuff that Grandma wouldn’t. That Republican canned-letters-to-smalltown-papers campaign reeked of obvious spoilers. You can picture a non-droid Grandma writing “President Bush is demonstrating genuine leadership”–a little pompous, maybe, but it’s possible. But how likely is she to cite average tax cuts to four significant figures? The fake “Microsoft switcher” couldn’t resist urging readers to buy, right away, Microsoft’s most expensive package. She also jumped schizophrenically, back and forth, between oh-so-sincere gushing personal memoir and complex step-by-step switching procedures.

I notice, since starting this story, that Dr. Pepper has stopped pretending their ragingcow.com page is a blog. It’s now a webpage that admits it’s an ad. I give lots of credit for this to webloggers who protested their original deception. In this case we bloggers played not only Red Riding Hood but the woodsman with the ax. Both roles are needed, with all those wolves out there.

Betsy’s quote of the day for earnest droids: “The most important thing is sincerity. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” Jean Giraudoux

Five Secrets to a Great Relationship
1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn’t lie.
4. It is important to find a man who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is important that these four men never meet.

This joke about sexual politics makes women laugh, and makes men smile politely. Would it work with opposite sign if I change the genders?

1. It is important to find a woman who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a woman who is dependable and doesn’t lie.
4. It is important to find a woman who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is important that these four women never meet.

This gendering of the joke just makes us puzzled. The original is funny because it invites us to laugh at gripes women often share about single men. The revision leaves us puzzled–who’s this about? To make the re-gendered joke funny, you have to fill it with men’s gripes about single women. Er–I don’t want to go there.

I’m working a book of science humor (my second), and I think a lot about re-gendering jokes. Good old science jokes reflect a bad old science world, where women are secretaries, angry wives, or unattainable objects of hopeless lust. I want my book to reflect the new science reality–about half the undergrads at MIT are now women–so I need to find ways to make the world of science look less like a boys-only clubhouse, while still keeping funny jokes funny.

Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes, well–do you know the joke about 3 people sharing a row of seats on an airplane? There’s a surgeon, a malpractice lawyer, and an HMO executive. The surgeon, who has the aisle seat, volunteers to get cokes for the two others. Instead of reciprocating that kindness, they spit in the surgeon’s shoes when he (note the he) takes them off to sleep. Yes, I thought about re-gendering the surgeon–but it doesn’t work with the punchline. “The surgeon puts on his shoes and realizes what happened. He looks at the other two and says, ‘How long must this enmity go on? It’s wrong, I tell you, wrong–this spitting in shoes–this urinating in cokes.”

Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and taught them, saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are they that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice.
Blessed are…

Then Simon Peter said, “Should we write this down?”
And Andrew said, “Do we have to know this?”
And James said, “Will this be on the final exam?”
And Phillip said, “What was that thing about the meek?”
And John said, “The other disciples didn’t have to learn this.”
And Judas said, “What does this have to do with the real life?”

Then one of the Pharisees present asked to see Jesus’ lesson plans and inquired of Jesus his terminal objectives in the cognitive domain… and Jesus wept.

Is this joke offensive? Maybe, to someone who thinks lesson plans are sacred. The point of the joke is to invite shared laughter about challenges teachers face.

But it’s easy to see that this joke could “meta-offend” –a word I made up to describe something in the real world that has no name. “Meta-offense” is a response that claims to be offense but in fact is anger or calculated politics. People get meta-offended by a remark, and try very hard to make you sorry for it, to prove to the world that they have power to punish.*

Kind-hearted people steer clear of jokes that offend. But meta-offending is a different issue. I don’t mind meta-offending groups that try to make too many claims. Kowtowing to every possible sacred cow would be sooooo much work–and it’s just not funny!

*Example of racial offense and meta-offense.

• The joke that got Earl Butz fired (1976) was very offensive, both in its language and its message.
• Trying to get a white coworker fired for saying he would be “niggardly” (1999) was IMO a case of meta-offense.

Betsy’s quotes of the day:
“The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. ” (Abbie Hoffman)
“If all people were just, no one would need to be brave.” (Agesilaus, 444-360 BCE)

1.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. You go over to him and say: “I’m fantastic in bed.” This is Direct Marketing.

2.You’re at a party with a group of friends and you see an attractive man. One of your friends goes over to him and says: “That girl over there is fantastic in bed.” This is Publicity.

3.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. You ask for his phone number. The next day you call him and say: “I’m fantastic in bed.” This is Telemarketing.

4.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man you already know. You go over to him and say: “Do you remember how good I am in bed?” This is Customer Relationship Management.

5.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. You get up, smooth your dress, go over and serve him a drink. You straighten his tie seductively and say: “I’m fantastic in bed.” This is Public Relations.

6.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. He comes over to you and says: “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” This is Branding, the reputation of the name.

7. On your way to a party, you realize many attractive men live nearby. You start blasting your horn, roll down your car window, and drive slowly, yelling for all the world to hear, “I–AM–FANTASTIC–IN–BED!” This is spam.

I love double-barreled jokes–jokes that make you laugh, and then laugh again. This is a multi-barreled joke, with many successive re-authors including me.

Is this joke sexist? If you said yes, would it still be sexist if I switch the genders, so that a man keeps telling women he meets that he’s very good in bed? There are people who would see either version as offensively sexist, and if one of those people would tell me how to write jokes about sex that aren’t sexist, I’d sure like to know!

Have you noticed that male chauvinism is making a comeback? Thirty years after the feminist revolution, if you look at the rap videos on MTV or BET, you’ll find that “ho” and “bitch” are just about the nicest words used to describe young women.

That’s just the opening of
“The Return of the Pig”, an essay by David Brooks in the April issue of Atlantic Monthly magazine. So how is the Left defending women, including women of color? The Left can’t figure out what to do, says Brooks:

Many progressive thinkers, having inherited a century of radical European thought, assume that the most oppressive and reactionary parts of society are the rich, the powerful, and the well-born. …The rise of misogynistic rap culture dramatizes the inadequacy of that approach. … Rap and hip-hop came from the urban lower class. N.W.A., 2 Live Crew, Tupac Shakur, and Eminem … emerged authentically from the streets. …

It is the least privileged parts of society that are often the most sexist, reactionary and even materialistic. We have a dynamic urban culture that treats women like whores and that regards owning a Mercedes as the highest possible human aspiration, and the leading articulators of progressive opinion have almost nothing to say about it…

[Leftists] can’t seem to bring themselves to admit out loud that their most effective ideological enemies have turned out to be the same underprivileged people they wanted to rescue from exploitation.

Brooks may be stymied, but the Left need not be.
I found this eloquent bumpersticker on David Weinberger’s blog. To me, it embodies the way Leftists can get past the dead end where they, by which I mean we, are stuck.

Moral absolutes–they’re easy to ridicule when they’re the “absolute” morals of born-again Baptists from Birmingham, Alabama. But we on the Left have our own cherished absolutes–and we need to refresh our ambivalence about them too.

Is any remark claimed as “authentically Black” immune from criticism? If so, does that make any XX type who ever had sex a ho? Or should we switch perspective, and say any statement that degrades women is evil, deserving of powerful retaliation? If so, does that mean we should demand lip service to middle-class ideals before any kid from the ghetto gets to speak?

No–absolutes make for fast and powerful moral judgments, but not for intelligent moral judgments. Because….

Moral means ambivalent.

Betsy’s quote of the day:

‘You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,’ said Aslan. ‘And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor in earth.’

(C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian)

People speaking out for peace came peacefully together yesterday–Dave Winer’s pix show the scene in Harvard Yard. Elsewhere, war protestors trying to shut down “business as usual” riled commuters and scared police trying to control them.

That was yesterday, this is today. Demonstrators, encouraged by their success, will be going for bigger effects. Police around the country will be getting out their mace, tear gas, and stun guns. And, as my friend Manny Krasner once pointed out, those little black objects on their belts can propel lead pellets over large distances.

An orderly protest shows support for peace. A mob makes your cause look ugly–and mobs are dangerous. When police are angry and scared, bad things can happen. Being arrested by an angry cop, in company with a lot of other people who are excited and scared, is much more scary than exciting. OTOH, nasty as it is, it is more fun than being crushed or trampled by a mob running away from tear gas. If you go to a protest, stay far from the “center” of action.

Better yet, stay home and sign up to work for Howard Dean. That would bring us closer to sane government than we are now.

Democratic candidate round-up

Pro-war: John Edwards, Joe Lieberman, Dick Gephardt
Voted last fall to authorize Bush but says he’s against *this* war: John Kerry
Anti-war: Howard Dean, Dennis Kucinich, Al Sharpton, Carol Mosely Braun

American Prospect on California convention:

“HOWARD DEAN….Delivering the most tumultuously received speech in several years at a California convention, Dean, who said he is “running to represent the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party,” repeatedly brought the delegates to their feet. Excoriating every aspect of the Bush agenda, Dean thundered to an explosive finish, denouncing the Iraq war and shouting, “I want my country back!” as the delegates screamed. Afterward, Dean’s literature table was rushed by delegates who took every one of his buttons and signs.”

DENNIS KUCINICH. The House Progressive Caucus chairman has taken to opening speeches with snippets from patriotic hymns such as “America the Beautiful” and “The Star-Spangled Banner.” This most militantly anti-war of candidates uses his singing both to startle the audience — it does — and to juxtapose his sense of patriotism with what he sees as a sinister right-wing takeover of America….What will he do when the Iraq war starts? Not what other ranking Democratic war critics say they’ll do. “I will keep on speaking out and protesting,” Kucinich said before his speech. Even with troops in harm’s way? “Yes.”

So why did I just send $100 to Dean rather than Kucinich? This AP story yesterday:

Response to Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich’s anti-war speech to editors of the National Newspaper Association Thursday in Washington does not bode well for his presidential aspirations. Members of the association, who represent small community newspapers, were then polled on his performance by secret electronic ballot. The moderator asked them to chose how likely Kucinich is to win the Democratic nomination, with one being very likely and five being very unlikely. “Can you vote six or seven?” an audience member yelled. Next they were asked how likely their publications are to endorse his candidacy, and the room erupted in laughter.

Blogger alert–here come the right-wing think-tanks! That’s the word from Gary Farber, a clueful libertarian and one of my favorite sources for interesting links. The Heritage Foundation wants Gary (and probably other bloggers) to opt-in for a barrage on right-wing-policy email. I love the smarmy opening:

“Gary, You’ve been discovered! Tim Rutten’s Media column in today’s edition of The Los Angeles Times is the latest example of the traditional media’s newfound appreciation of the growing influence of bloggers on America’s public policy debates. “

Checking out the press releases online at Heritage.org, I’m not sure they rise much above “President Bush is demonstrating genuine leadership.” The tone of the praise for Bush sounds like Smithers raving about Montgomery Burns. Consider this rosy “analysis” of the Bush tax cut:

“We’ve been scoring tax proposals for years, and I’ve never before seen one that would give the economy such a boost,” he [Heritage economist William Beach] said. “The main reason—and it’s ironic, when you consider how the plan is criticized—is the dividend tax cut…
“This isn’t a tax cut for the wealthy,” he said. “It’s a job-creation machine.”

No word on how many of those predicted new jobs go to India or Korea–or how many just pay as if you were living there.

Who is the Heritage Foundation? According to a recent article in The Economist (the article is premium content there, but online with permission over at Heritage.org):

At their most organized, the right-wing think-tanks often seem more like businesses than universities. Heritage, for instance, has a carefully defined mission: influencing Capitol Hill. Mr. Feulner ruthlessly sets objectives and measures performance. Heritage is as passionate about selling conservative ideas as Coca-Cola is about selling gaseous drinks.

Bloggers, watch out for gaseous drinks ahead–Coca-Cola or Raging Cow–and now Heritage Foundation wants you to drink their Kool-Aid.

Urrrrrrrpp.