Betsy Devine: Funny ha-ha and/or funny peculiar

I just stumbled across my twelfth-grade English text. Amazing to see those old doodles of flowerpots–they saved my sanity during hours of sitting-still-listening.
What I wrote in the margins:

• “have you got something on your mind?” so close to real situation, but just cliché way of opening conversation.
• Describe a person’s character thru his actions. Show, don’t tell, what he’s like. Due Mon.
• Irony: by parallelling 2 contrasting ideas, you underline one of them.

Years later, I still don’t “get” irony. But in lectures these days, I draw much better flowerpots….

I just found a great old post by Teresa Nielsen Hayden on “Mary Sue”.

MARY SUE (n.): 1. A variety
of story, first identified in the fan fiction community, but quickly
recognized as occurring elsewhere, in which normal story values are grossly subordinated to inadequately transformed personal
wish-fulfillment …

[for example] Galadriel’s secret love-child (Aragorn’s unacknowledged daughter) who runs off to join the Company of the Ring, sorts out Boromir’s problems, out-magics Gandalf, out-fights Aragorn during the melodramatic scene in which she reveals her true identity, demonstrates herself to be so spiritually elevated that the Ring has no effect on
her, and wins Legolas’ heart forever.

I loved this, and was all set to blog that Robert Heinlein falls deep
into this trap in some later novels–until I discoved Teresa’s
commenters had already said exactly this.

What would Mary Sue do in my situation? Drink exotic poison and die a
lingering death in the arms of Johnny Depp, as mascara ran down his
cheeks on a riptide of tears….

My friend Richard aka “Just A Gwailo” blogged what he sweetly called counterpoint to something he claimed I said–that you should never blog your personal life.

What? I said that? No way!

I do remember blogging half-serious advice to young job-hunters–that high-tech employers might know about Google–that nothing on the first page of Google results for your name should portray you as Mr. or Ms. Keg-Party-With-Tears-And-Fist-Fights.

So I ran my Feedster blog-search and found that blog entry and–by gosh! Richard was kind of right about what I said:

Don’t blog your drinking habits, pet peeves, relationship issues, etc….Hey–limit yourself to corporate/geeky stuff on any page linked to from Google results for your name.

OK–I was exaggerating–so sue, me, I’m half Irish. My actual, not very funny advice–your blog shouldn’t make some cipher in Human Resources afraid of getting in trouble if they hire you.

Wait–do you suppose that blogging I sometimes exaggerate, or that my memory isn’t always perfect, will shut me out of a job? Hope not, but then again, I already have a job, a job I really love.

Patent laws were created for things made of wood and metal with maybe a pane of glass here or a leather hinge there.
How well do such laws apply to “things” made of ones and zeroes?

Big companies with good lawyers are eagerly “gaming” the patent and copyright laws. Google deals with the people who “game” their search results by revising to meet such attacks at the end of each month. I wish our government were half as vigilant.

• April 17th!
• Bloggercon!
• You don’t want to miss it!

Adding to my blogroll: in #joiito the other night, lefauxfrog whose blog is at “curious frog” told this joke:

I love that! So today I went over to Michael’s weblog and I found a lot
more good stuff, most of which you should go there and find for
yourself. So how does he manage to overhear such funny things, e.g. this Harvard Square conversation:

“I learned that when I was in law school. Here in Massachusetts it means ‘no more than three cars may pass through’.”

Way back in the 1950s, my mom and dad packed 4 kids into a car and drove from NH to Florida. Our route south was studded with stoplights, paneled with billboards.

Eisenhower’s interstate network and Lady Bird’s highway beautification came much later. Credit cards also came later. On the way home, a blizzard stranded us in Dover, Delaware. My grandfather had to wire us money (Western Union) to buy the gas to get us home.

Years later, I still remember the alligator “farm” in St. Augustine–and, lucky me, I got to go there once again with Frank on Saturday.

People had warned us it was now a tourist trap–now, what do you think a “tourist trap” really means?

• The adult entry fee was $15, though we got discounts. Was it a tourist trap? Would it have been a tourist trap if it had been located in South America and we had paid thousands of dollars for airplane tickets, personal tourguides, and an authentically Hemingwayan canvas tent?
• The other people visiting the farm were mostly parents and children oohing and aahing. Was it a tourist trap? Would it have been a tourist trap if we had been the only visitors that day? Would it have been a tourist trap if we had been surrounded by PhDs tut-tutting about global warming?
• Alligators, crocodiles, caimans, and gavials–every species of crocodilian on the planet was peacefully floating, sunbathing, or grunting somewhere on the grounds. Was it a tourist trap? Would it have been a tourist trap if two or three of the global species were missing?

I have to admit, the families who shared our enjoyment were probably not totally postmodern.

Child: Do I smell alligator poop?
Dad: Do I hear someone talking dirty talk?
Another child, from another family: Mom, something stinks.
Mom: We are not going to talk about that.

Past the entrance, the gator smell melted away. And, tourist trap or not, I had a great time.

Inspired by Joi Ito’s musing on vanity as a business model, I’m now at work on a new best business best seller: Seven Deadly Sins, One Hell of a Market.

Sample chapters:

Envy-based marketing

6540 Google results for “don’t be the last.”

Covetousness-based marketing

11,300 Google results for “dies with the most toys”

Anger-based marketing

254,000 Google results for Nader+president

Gluttony-based marketing

2,580,000 Google results for buy+delicious

Lust-based marketing

3,580,000 Google results for buy+sexy

>

Sloth-based marketing

5,520,000 results for buy+sleep

Vanity-based marketing

25,200,000 Google results for “blog”!